Public service announcement
by divalicious2
Summary: First LT fic! Wrote in about 10 minutes after seeing a don't do drugs commercial. I was bored and studying for exams. R
1. Chapter 1

"So, what are you guys up to today?"

"Nothing much," Stephanie beamed.

"Yeah," Trixie nodded. "We're just sitting here talking, thinking about things to do."

Sportacus looked around at the group. Trixie had her chin in her hand, thinking, Stingy was stroking his piggy bank, and Pixel was tapping a finger on his chin deep in thought. Stephanie was watching Ziggy, who was looking unusually thoughtful holding a bag of sugar whilst bouncing on a chair.

Sportacus leaned towards Ziggy so that he was closer to his height. He looked at him thoughtfully, and when Ziggy failed to notice, Sportacus spoke.

"Ziggy, is everything all right?" He asked.

Ziggy stopped bouncing and seemed startled.

"Oh! It's you! Hi Sportacus!" He smiled.

Sportacus smiled back. "Hi Ziggy!" He answered. Then, more seriously, he added, "Is there anything that is bothering you? Anything you want to talk about?"

Ziggy again looked alarmed. "Um, uh…" he glanced away furtively, "n-no, Sportacus."

"Ah," Sportacus nodded. "I see." He turned back to the group, back glanced back to make sure that Ziggy was still paying attention and said, "You know, any one of you can always talk to me, and to your friends if you are having a problem. Or, if you just want to talk. That is what friends are for. Right?"

"Sure, Sportacus!"

"Right on!" Pixel cheered.

"Definitely!" Trixie nodded.

"mmm…. Mine," Stingy mumbled absently.

'Right," Sportacus continued. "We are all here for each other."

Sportacus waited until the rest of the children had returned to their thinking and turned back to face Ziggy. " Ziggy, now, are you sure there is nothing that you want to talk about?"

"Yes," he nodded emphatically. "Uh, I mean… no. "Uh, I mean, yes I don't want to talk about anything."

"I see," he nodded again thoughtfully.

"Well," he stood up, "I think I will go back to patrolling Lazy Town, and leave you guys to continue thinking about what you are going to do today. It is a gorgeous day here in Lazy Town today," he added.

"Yes it is," Stephanie answered.

"It sure is!" Pixel agreed.

"uh… uh…." Ziggy sounded like a bomb about to explode.

"My mom's a crack-head!" He shouted suddenly, bouncing wildly in his seat.

Sportacus spun back around, his eyes wide. "Wha..?"

Stephanie grinned wide, her eyes sparkling. "Ziggy!" She exclaimed gleefully, " So that's what you're so hyped up on sugar all the time!"

"Mmhmmm, mmmhmmm," Stingy nodded in agreement, his attention fully on Ziggy and away from his piggy bank.

"You see your mom," Stephanie continued, "hitting the crack all the time, that looks like sugar by the way, and getting the munchies and all that-"

"Actually," Sportacus began, "I believe that is marij-"

"It's actually… mine!" Stingy shouted.

"Nuh, uh," Pixel shook his head in certainty. "Actually, her dealer is-"

"W-wait a minute!" Sportacus interjected, dismayed. "You mean this news doesn't bother you all?" He looked aghast. "This is a serious problem!"

"Ppfft!" Trixie rolled her eyes. "No, it isn't. That's nothing compared to-"

Ziggy swallowed another spoonful of sugar and jumped to his feet.

"Ms. Busybody runs a brothel!" He screamed.

"Mmhmm! Mmmhmm!" Stingy nodded again in agreement.

"What! Ziggy, really-"

"Whore house, tart-farm, sugar shack," Stingy listed off alternative phrases helpfully. "And those are all mine too!" He added.

"No they're not!" Stephanie giggled, giving Stingy a playful shove. "That one isn't even yours!"

"I know what it means!" Sportacus shouted, at the same time Stephanie spoke.

Ziggy dropped his sugar. Stingy stared. Trixie let her scooter fall to the ground. Everyone stared at Sportacus in shock.

"Sportacus!" Stephanie chided.

"What?" He demanded. "I shout and that upsets you?"

"Mmhmm, mmhhmm," Stingy affirmed.

"Ziggy's mother's a whore," he sputtered exasperated, "And me raising my voice is what bothers you!"

"Nuh, uh," Pixel shook his head. " she's the crack-head. Ms. Busybody's the whore."

"She runs the whore house," Stephanie corrected helpfully.

For once Sportacus was at a loss for words. But, only for a moment.

"How can you all just sit here? This doesn't even bother you?"

"Nnnope!" Trixie shook her head.

Ziggy looked upset by Sportacus' show of emotion. "She has a really nice whore house, Sportacus," he offered, tryg to make his favorite above average hero feel better.

Stephanie had grabbed the bag of sugar Ziggy'd dropped, but kept her focus on the group. Stingy, hardly interested in this old news anymore, brought his attention back to his piggy bank.

Trixie started laughing then.

'Trixie, what is so funny?" sportacus stared at her, obviously disapproving.

"The mayor's probably her pimp!" She cried out, barely able to speak through her chuckles.

Sportacus' eyes looked like they were about to pop out of his head.

"Stephanie?" He turned to her, hoping that she, at least was able to see something wrong with this picture.

Stephanie rolled her eyes and shook her head at her friend's antics. 'Trixie, you know he's not a pimp!" She laughed. "Ms. Busybody doesn't need a pimp," she corrected.

Stingy nodded in agreement. "She is the proprietor," he stated.

Stephanie bobbed her head in agreement.

Trixie shrugged, seemingly unbothered that no one else thought her joke was that great. "Why do you think they call her Busybody?" She snorted with laughter at her own new joke.

"Trixie!" Sportacus was horrified.

She looked at him innocently. "What?"

"E..even if Ms. Busybody had such an…establishment," Sportacus spat the words out, " that would mean that she had people under her employment."

"Uh huh," Pixel agreed.

"Pixel!" Ziggy elbowed him.

'What?"

Stephanie, what do you know of this?"

"I don't know anything about it Sportacus," she answered, popping a pinch of sugar into her mouth. "Not much about it anyway." She shrugged.

"So," Sportacus turned back to the rest of the gang, " you all knew about all of this?"

"Yeah," Trixie answered and yawned.

"I think the real question is," Pixel added, "why didn't you know?"

"Eew!" Stephanie spat onto the ground. "Ziggy! This isn't sugar!" Stephanie spat out her tongue and made a face. She thrust the bag back at him, disgusted.

"It isn't?" He asked, genuinely surprised.

Stingy's eyes sparkled. " It's mine!" He shouted and intercepted the bag.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note: Busy. Few details. Deal with it.

"Oh, hello Sportacus!"

"I am busy, Robbie."

"Oh, reeeeallly? What? Is someone in trouble? Again? What a surprise!"

"Robbie! Be quiet! I have something to do!"

"Ooh, does Mr. Flippety FLippety Flip have a problem?"

"Stop calling me that!"

"But it's so much fun!"

Sportacus kept walking.

"Sportakook! Wait!"

"Robbie, I am very busy right now. Lazytown is in trouble."

Robbie hurried to catch up with him. "and when is it not, in trouble? Besides, I thought you liked trouble. Otherwise what would poor sportaspoof have to do all day…er…besides those flippity flippity flips…

"Robbie, go back in your hole. You don't want to help, so leave me alone."

"Sportakook, I don't see anyone else following you either, which says that perhaps… no one else wants to help as well?"

Sportacus stopped and turned around, looking behind him. "You're right!"

"Of course I am right!" Robbie threw his head high in the air.

"There is something seriously wrong with everyone in Lazytown."

Robbie yawned. "You are saying this like I care."

"then why are you following me?"

Robbie shrugged. "Because I have nothing better to do?"

Sportacus groaned. "Robbie, go away!"

"Fine! Go off on your boring serious problem adventure! See if I care!"

Sportacus walked on.

Robbie sighed and put his hands to his head. "He doesn't care!" He cried. Then he shrugged. "Oh well." He watched Sportacus continue on his way.

"Hey, Sportafruit! You have a problem!"

He saw him shaking his head.

"You are walking, Sportakook! Maybe walking fast, but only walking. Why no flippety flippety flip-"

Sportacus spun around and stuck his fist out at Robbie.

Robbie's jaw dropped in shock.

"That was not the kind of flip I was expecting," he muttered.


	3. Chapter 3

This was written after teaching one of my dance classes. Sportacus is me, saying things I did not say aloud, but was thinking. Again, no details. I have no time. But, you'll get the idea.

"All right, we're going to play a game.

"Yay!"

"Alright!"

"Way to go Sportacus!"

"Great. Now, stand in a line, children."

The children moved quickly, but Sportacus couldn't believe his eyes.

"Oh my god! What is wrong with you? You're so stupid! I said a line, not a circle! Let's try this again."

Sportacus physically moved the children. "Stay there," he ordered each one, as he placed them in a straight line.

"There!" He smiled and nodded. " A straight line!" He sighed in satisfaction.

"Now, look at where you are. Look at this straight line. See? Can you see the difference? How everyone is close together?"

The children nodded enthusiastically.

"Yes, Sportacus, this makes perfect sense."

"Perfect sense," Stingy echoed.

"Great straight line, Sportacus!" Pixel cheered.

Everyone nodded and smiled.

"Wonderful! So, each one of you gets it? Do you think you could make a line like this by yourselves? You could come right back to where we are now without me having to show you?"

"No sweat!" Trixie answered.

"Great. Well, now I would like you all to spread out and leave the line, and when I say, "Make a straight line," you all come back and make a straight line, just like this one. Do you think you can do that?"

"Duh, Sportacus," Stingy clucked and rolled his eyes.

"Everyone tell me what they will do."

"Make a straight line," the group answered in chorus.

"Yes! That's it! You've got it now! All right, now everyone spread out! Go!"

Everyone giggled and squealed as they ran away to scatter themselves.

"Okay, now……"

Everyone paused and eyed Sportacus expectantly.

"Get back into a straight line!" He finished.

"Yeah!" Ziggy yelled as he ran back in the direction other children had left.

The rest of the group shouted out and ran back as well.

Sportacus smiled and relaxed in relief. "You get it! You kids finally get it! You-"

Then his eyes widened as he took in the scene before him.

"Nooooooo!" He screamed holding his temples with the palms of both hands.

He looked at the children. Three of them were squished together facing each other, Stingy was standing a good five feet away from everyone else, and Stephanie was facing the opposite direction on the other side of the courtyard. No one, repeat, no one was in a line Not even close, folks. These kids couldn't follow a direction if they were led behind it on a leash..

"What the hell is wrong with you? Does this look like a straight line to you?"

"Yes, Sportacus," Stephanie chirped, facing away still.

"You think you are all close together in a straight line?"

Trixie looked around at the children haphazardly clumped or strewn around. "Yes, we're all close together."

"No," he glared at her, his voice cold, "you are _not_ close together."

"Yes we are."

"Show me a straight line. Draw me an imaginary straight line with your finger," he ordered.

Everyone took their finger and drew a straight line.

Sportacus shook his head. "I don't get it. You all know what a straight line really looks like, but you can't make it. Oh my god."

He let out a loud sigh and grabbed Pixel, placing him physically in a location. "Stay here," he instructed. Then he dragged Stephanie, Stingy, Ziggy, placed them all alongside Pixel in a straight line. Within five seconds they were out of line again.

"All right, here we go, let's try this again. This is a straight line. Come and stand in a straight line. In fact, come and stand on this straight line." He drew a straight red line on the ground.

All the children walked over to the line. "Now stand on the line and face me."

Some of the children never made it to the line. Let's not name names folks, but you could probably guess. A few children were standing on the line, but not facing Sportacus. Some were standing mere inches from the line, but not on the line. These children were the ones that really enfuriated Sportacus. In fact, he really couldn't stand any of them.

Why do I bother saving all of these people all the time? Obviously they need saving though. This city could be renamed as Stupid Town. These kids are so stupid they could get themselves killed tripping over their own shadows.

"Okay, fuck this," he spoke. "Stand in a goddamed circle then. Since that's the only thing you can do."

He closed his eyes so at least he wouldn't have to see them making the circle, or trying to make the circle. That's what was really sad. These kids were actually trying. And still being soo soo stupid.

Finally Sportacus opened his eyes.

They were standing in the shape of a triangle.

Sportacus let out a scream that could be heard past the boundaries of Lazy Town. But to the humans in Ohio, it just sounded like a sonic boom, and so they ignored it.


	4. Chapter 4

"Well?"

"Well, what?" Trixie put her hands on her hips defensively.

"What did he say?"

"What do you think he said?"

"If I knew what he said, I wouldn't be asking you, now would I?"

"You could."

"I _am_!" Ziggy shouted.

"I am what?"

"Asking you!"

"And I already told you- wait, what did I tell you again?"

"You didn't tell me anything, yet."

"Then let's keep it that way."

"Trixie!"

"What?"

"Come on! I have to know! What did he tell you?"

"What makes you think he told me anything?"

"Here we go again. Because I saw you!"

"Saw me with who?"

"With Sportacus!" He screamed.  
Ooh! Him!" Her face lit up in comprehension.

"Geez, and people think I'm dumb, he muttered.

"No," she answered quickly, "we just think you're… a little slow," she finished. "So, what were you saying again?"

Ziggie screamed in exasperation. "You're so absent-minded. I think, I think you're just…. Absent of mind!"he blurted out.

"Damn, Ziggy, that's harsh."

"Suck on it," he muttered and walked away.

"No thanks," she answered.

"Oh," he answered glumly.


	5. Chapter 5

The children of Lazytown came upon Ziggy sitting on the bench, holding a small torn piece of paper.

"What're you reading?" Trixie asked.

"You're reading?" Stingy questioned in shock.

"He can't read!" Pixel insisted.

"So?" Ziggy demanded, just as Trixie shouted,

"No kidding!"

"Well, what is it then?" Stingy asked.

"If I can't read, how am I supposed to know?" Ziggy shrugged.

"Give it to me! It's mine anyways." Stingy grabbed 'his' paper.

"Hmmmm….Thinking, thinking….I've got it! VeenayahEareEAyal."

"Lemme try!" Ziggy grabbed the paper from him.

"Vuhbackcattuh Duh- dog!" He grinned triumphantly.

"What the fuck?" Pixel grabbed the paper back. "Where is the b in that word? Where's the ack and the T? What the hell is wrong with you? Who the hell reads letters and sounds, shit, whole fucking words that aren't there? What the hell is wrong with you? Jesus! Maybe someone should drop you on your head and that will actually help you think better!"

"Wow, that was… harsh." Trixie whispered.

"And?" He crossed his arms over his chest and raised an eyebrow.

"And nothing," she shrugged. "I was just saying."

"It's true!" He countered.

"Yeah," she answered, "I know."

"Wish his teachers knew!" He grumbled. "Or his parents. Jesus Christ, who let's their kid go on in school when they're that stupid? Damn, I'd love to have that job. "Oh, you read the word dog as octopus- that's great! Super job!" Geez, the fact that it's true makes me want to hold a gun to my head and pull the- wait, no. That'd be stupid. It just makes me wanna hold a gun to your head!" He glared at Ziggy.

He walked over to Ziggy, taking slow careful steps. "Gun," he pronounced, enunciating carefully. "Guh, uh, nnnn. Gun. You know, the thing that goes….

BANG!"

Ziggy screamed like a hysterical girl and cowered on the ground.

Pixel let out a groan of anguish. "Oh my god," he whispered, "you are so stupid!" Then he walked away to read the paper.

"Vee…en..Ay…ar…e…ahl, I think that's what the first word is," Pixel commented. "But, I still don't get it."

"We still have to figure out what it says." Trixie added.

"Hey, that's what I was doing."

"Do you think you have it right?" Stingy asked.

"More right than catabackratdogsupercaliI'llreadwordsandsoundsthatdon'texist."

"Let it go Pixel, just let it go." Trixie answered.

"Damn, that's all I'm saying."

"Well, I'm saying let's get someone to read this and figure it out."

"I'm all for that!"

"Let's go!"

"So…. What do you think it says?" Stingy leaned over Stephanie's shoulder impatiently.

"Um, well…. Let me look at it….

"Hmmm. Well, I don't know, no matter what I don't know what the word means, and all the pronunciations you said doesn't help either. Either they don't make sense, or they're wrong, or I just am not familiar with the word."

"Or, you're stupid."

"Pixel!" Trixie hissed, glaring at him in disapproval of his joke. But then she covered her mouth with her hand, clamping her mouth shut as well in a feeble attempt to stifle laughter.

"Hey, that's me!' Ziggy piped up, defensively.

Pixel covered his eyes with his hand. "Oh my god," he groaned. "Ziggy, just shut up, man. Shut up."

"Okay, okay."

"I think it's time to find a grown up." Stephanie put the paper down and looked at the group seriously.

"Good idea, Stephanie."

So the kids and the idiot are walking down the street and the first person they run into is……

The Mayor.

"Mayor, do you know what these words mean?" Trixie asked as Stephanie handed her uncle the ripped paper.

"Weeelll… the first word doesn't mean much to me, but the second word, I believe is di-

"Dog! I knew it!" Ziggy squealed.

Trixie rolled her eyes and popped him in the mouth. "Idiot," she muttered.

Just then Miss Busybody walked by.

"Hello children! And how are we all doing today?"

"We are all doing well, thank you," Stingy smiled.

She smiled back. "Such a polite boy."

"The children were trying to figure out what this piece of paper says."

"It's a mystery!" Stephanie added.

She took the paper and held it up close to her nose. "Now, let me see, let me just get a good look at this piece of paper-

She stopped abruptly and shook her head hard. Her mouth dropped open. "That can't be," she murmured. Holding the paper further from her now, she re-read it, mouthing the words silently.

"What does it say?" Trixie demanded impatiently.

Ms. Busybody stared at the Mayor. "Do you want me to tell the children?" She asked, concern showing in her eyes.

"Well certainly!" He enthused. "If you can, that would be a great help."

"But this-

"Ms. Busybody, we really don't have much time." Pixel interrupted.

"Do you know what this says?"

"Just read it, ya old hag!" Trixie yelled in a pirate voice.

"Hey," Stingy shoved her, "she's no hag!"

"That's right children, and we must respect our elders." The Mayor said.

"Right," Pixel answered.

Miss Busybody looked flustered, then blurted out angrily, "Which one of you has venereal disease?"

"What?"

"You heard me!

"It says "has venereal disease."

"Who has it? Which boy or girl has it?" She demanded.

"How do you know someone has it?"

"Because the name has clearly been ripped off. What else could it be?"

"Indeed. What else could it be?" Stingy raised his eyebrows.

"Get over it, Stingy." Stephanie chided.

"Who has venereal disease?"

"Excuse me, Miss Busybody," the mayor interrupted, "but… just what is venereal disease?"

Just then Robbie Rotten walked past the group laughing.

"Sportafruit was right! You all really are stupid," he grumbled.


End file.
